Society

THE government has outlined its new half-arsed rules for reopening schools which are impossible to follow and will be ignored. But what are they? 

CONSPIRACY theorists that believe the earth is flat and 9-11 was an inside job are now claiming that there is such a thing as a ‘female orgasm’.

A WOMAN who has entertained her children in her own home for four months would give anything to ignore them in a soft play centre for two hours.

LEICESTER is no longer a city – it is a prison. But have you got what it takes to make it out?

A £10 note that has been in a man’s wallet since March this year is wondering what the f**k is going on out there.

BRITONS are being urged to hand over  jeans they can no longer fit into after spending lockdown eating constantly and barely moving.

AS restrictions are lifted, the terrifying prospect of returning to normal gets ever more real. Here are some simple things you’ve probably forgotten how to do forever.

IT’S unbearably hot, anything you do might kill you and a malevolent clown is gambling with your life and future. Is it Britain or Hell? Find out with our fun quiz.

A MAN asked to explain what the phrase ‘white lives matter’ means was unable to give any explanation that was not bullshit. 

FROM useless wanker politicians to the f**kwitted man-in-the-street the UK’s main problem is that it is full of twats, research has found.