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Years of tedious bollocks definitely what we voted for, say Brexiters

BREXITERS love intricate trade negotiations and definitely did not vote in a mindless patriotic frenzy, they have confirmed.

As the UK agreed Brexit ‘transition terms’, Leavers said they had been fully expecting endless discussions about tedious things like fishing access and regulatory compliance.

Pensioner Roy Hobbs said: “When I voted to leave the EU I was hoping there’d be a good debate about airline regulations. It’s hilarious to suggest it was anything to do with foreigners.

“I might have made the odd comment like ‘This’ll show those German bastards!’ but that was just frustration at the lack of public discussion about British jam exports.

“None of the Brexiters I know cares about immigrants. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest if there are millions of Poles on the bus all jabbering away like they’re in bloody Stalingrad.”

Hairdresser and Leave voter Nikki Hollis said: “Brexit is really complicated but that’s great because I love learning new things like how EU meat tariffs work.

“Some of my Brexiter friends kept making references to World War 2 and Agincourt but they were clearly just having a laugh, apart from the ones who are in Britain First.”

Warhammer figure making awkward small talk with Sylvanian family bears

A WARHAMMER dwarf has been struggling to make conversation after being mistakenly tidied away in the same shoebox as the Bear Family of Sylvania.

Ghorth the Cruel, a Sorceror-Prophet from Zharr-Naggrund, was separated from his fellow Chaos Dwarves following a hasty clear-up and was instead put away with Mr and Mrs Bear and their cubs.

Ghorth said: “They’d been eating scones and having a chat about needlework, but they stopped when I arrived, which was a bit embarrassing.

“I think they might have been intimidated by my armour, or my face tattoos, or maybe my axe that burns with the unearthly fire of an evil god. 

“I had to break the ice somehow, so we talked about the weather a bit, and how boring it was in the shoebox, and it turns out we actually have quite a lot in common. We’re both massive fans of James Patterson thrillers and Classic FM.

“The Bears are all right. When the Dark Lord comes to enslave the planet, they’ll be sacrificed last.”

Mrs Bear said: “Ghorth taught us some very interesting facts about ballistics, evil magic, and how to kill elves in melee combat.

“He’s promised to come round for a nice cup of tea and some homemade apple crumble, and he’s invited us all to the Tower of Desolation where we will drink from the skulls of his enemies.”

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