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'Why are you in a mood with me?' woman asks traffic warden giving her ticket

A WOMAN has demanded the traffic warden writing her a parking ticket explain why he thinks it is okay to treat her like this. 

Francesca Johnson had illegally parked in a disabled bay for ‘less than an hour’ when she came back to find the warden writing a penalty notice ‘for no reason whatsoever’.

She continued: “Don’t avoid the question. What’s going on with you to act like this?

“Stop pretending this is about the car. We both know it’s nothing to do with the car. Why are you letting your mood impact on me like you’re doing, when you already know I’m having a terrible day?

“Bad enough I’ve had my boss acting out on me supposedly about the Q3 accounts but actually his marriage, then the girl in Boots totally attacking me out of nowhere for ‘not paying for that mascara’ when she was fully aware I’d meant to.

“Now this? Why me? Why now? I’m not accepting this ticket. You need to work out your own shit without taking it out on other people, okay? Take responsibility. And they call women moody.”

Traffic warden Martin Bishop said: “I’ve been in arguments like this before. It’s safer to just nod.”

Wim Hof's tips for surviving when your dad refuses to put the heating on

ICE-LOVING Dutchman Wim Hof has survived the coldest locations on Earth, but could he last a winter in a draughty house in Hounslow with a cheapskate dad? These are his tips: 

Cold showers

All of my crazed followers begin their day with a cold shower. Starting your day in the worst conceivable way means it can only improve. 120 endless seconds bollock naked under what feels like a hailstorm and you’ll agree with your dad that 17.5ºC between 6pm and 10pm is indisputably the correct setting for the thermostat.

Breathing

Your body is a heat factory. You must learn how to use it. Hyperventilating as if you had dunked your jaffers in an ice-bath will oxygenate your blood, warming you from within. Your father might have access to fan heaters firmly locked off, but he cannot stop you from breathing.

Mental resilience

Feeling cold is simply a state of mind, albeit a state of mind that can lead to hypothermia and death. When a parent informs you that frost on the inside of windows was fine when he was a boy and suggests putting on a third jumper, simply imagine yourself somewhere warm like a sauna, an equatorial village or hell.

Follow nature’s way

In survival situations you can sleep inside the carcasses of large mammals, as demonstrated in the field survey The Empire Strikes Back. If your father, as many do, let himself go once turning 50 and is no longer of practical value, his corpse could mean surviving the night. Or, once he is departed, you could simply turn the heating on.

A onesie

Being entirely honest, sometimes my whole ‘Iceman’ schtick gets a bit much. So why not snuggle into a fleecy onesie, wrap your hands around a warming mug of hot chocolate and kick back with my favourite show Married at First Sight. No amount of central heating can close to the warming power of hygge and an oil-filled radiator on maximum.

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