THE threatened withdrawal of the penny and 2p coins is the perfect channel for your white-hot patriotic rage, post-Brexit. What will you do to save our coppers?
Denys Finch Hatton, patriot: “I’ve glued coppers to every inch of my skin, legally changed my name to Charlie Copper and will be in Parliament Square, charging at MPs. I will be doing this for the next seven years.”
Helen Archer, upholsterer: “For years I’ve been collecting them in an oversized Bell’s bottle in the front room. Almost as if I knew.”
Susan Traherne, arcade owner: “5p coins are too small for the waterfalls, 10ps are too high-denomination. The only solution is for Rachel Reeves to massively devalue the currency, bankrupting Britain, because £2 coins would work a treat.”
Roy Hobbs, fishmonger: “If I give change will I get hung, drawn, quartered and fed to wild dogs like the Metric Martyr did?”
Lucy Parry, student: “I have paid for everything on my phone since March 2020.”
