POOR people should not have anything that makes life enjoyable, and that includes food. Here is Ann Widdecombe’s guide to what they don’t deserve.
Smartphones
Ann doesn’t want to hear your rubbish about how hard it is to look for a job, check your emails or just stay in touch with friends and family without a smartphone. They’re new-fangled devices for lazy heathens. Ann thinks so, because she was born in 1947. Or possibly 1847. She probably thinks Florence Nightingale was a nanny state do-gooder.
Entertainment
If you don’t have much money, a Netflix subscription is going to make up a large part of your entertainment. However, Ann thinks anyone who can afford to spend £5.99 a month on telly is obviously living in the lap of luxury. You know what you should do instead? Go to church. It’s free, and it might stop you being tortured in Hell forever. That’s better than Succession.
Habitable homes
You want a safe, warm, mould-free home for your family? Who do you think you are, King Charles? The reason you can’t afford a nice home isn’t because the housing market is out of control, it’s because you’re a feckless layabout. Yes, even if you already work two jobs. Why not just get three, or ten?
Foreign holidays
Ann doesn’t care if a week all-inclusive on the Costa Brava is significantly cheaper than hiring a caravan in Cornwall. Anyone on benefits should reimburse the cost of every holiday they’ve ever had and have their passport confiscated. Skegness is all they deserve.
Children
Ann wants people to have more children, but only white ones and only if parents can completely afford them, which even the middle classes are struggling with. If poor people don’t have children, who will Ann judge and disparage? She’s got a lot of nasty prejudices and she’s utterly mad, so she’d have to turn to British wildlife. Badgers? There’s plenty of jobs picking fruit but will they get off their furry arses? No. Don’t get her started on pond skaters, the freeloading bastards.
Cheese
On top of everything else, all these other unnecessary fripperies, you want to eat as well, do you? There is a cost-of-living crisis on, don’t you know? It’s just selfishness. It would probably be better for society if all the poor people starved to death, so maybe it’s a problem which will solve itself.
