DO you live somewhere with a stupid and, frankly, poncy name? Here are six insufferably pretentious town names that need to get a grip on themselves.
Royal Tunbridge Wells
Edward VII only gave three towns the prefix ‘Royal’ – this one, Leamington Spa and Wootton Bassett. It’s important to note that they were all called something needlessly up themselves to begin with, just to lure the royal family in. That’s why there’s no Royal Knutsford.
Upton Snodsbury
What would possess you to live in a place that sounds like a name given to an aristocrat in a lesser Monty Python sketch? It’s only a few letters away from being called ‘Uppity Snobbery’, which presumably describes the character of most of the locals.
Ashby-de-la-Zouch
Most towns have rid themselves of their associations with the French (and for good reason – they’re snooty bastards). Not Ashby-de-la-Zouch, which sounds like the name of a twat who’d go with you to a fancy restaurant just to correct your pronunciation of ‘bouillabaisse’.
Cleobury Mortimer
It’s excessive to give a town two upper-class names. ‘Cleobury’ is the kind of thing you’d call your daughter because the private school you want to send her to is already filled to the brim with Ophelias and Arabellas, while ‘Mortimer’ is what you’d name a posh dog.
Ottery St Mary
A place so in love with itself that it’s named after an adorable animal? Piss off with that. You don’t see Stoke calling itself ‘Badgery’ or ‘Squirrelly’, and that’s because it’s a proper town and not a character that lives in Enid Blyton’s Magic Faraway Tree.
Saffron Walden
Saffron? F**king Saffron? Just because Henry VIII granted you a charter to be named after the most expensive spice in the world, it doesn’t make you special, you lah-di-dah wankers.
