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Man nodding head to cafe music to show that he really gets it

A 26-YEAR-OLD man is nodding along to the music in a cafe so that others can see how he really gets it.

Website designer Wayne Hayes is self-consciously bobbing his head along to the cafe’s iTunes playlist of chart music and commercial hip hop, like some sort of duck in heat.

Onlooker Mary Fisher said: “He was just sitting there playing about on Facebook when a ‘cool’ track came on.

“Then he looked left and right, to see if anyone was watching, and started nodding along in time. Well, more or less in time.

“He’s also pursed his lips in a serious way, which reinforces the whole duck thing.”

Hayes said: “I hadn’t realised I was doing it. That’s just what happens to my body when a dope track by Ed Sheeran comes on in Costa.

“I am the music.”

Jon Snow joins Wexit campaign

THE leader of the Night’s Watch has joined the campaign to end Westeros’s economic union with neighbouring Essos.

Jon Snow complained of Essos Union regulations preventing him from fondling his half-sister and buying proper light bulbs.

He said: “Why should we in the Seven Kingdoms have petty bureaucrats from across the Narrow Sea telling us we can only ram a poker up a dwarf’s arse during a month with an R in it?

“Thanks to Essos the Seven Kingdoms has been overrun with immigrants from the Summer Islands. They smell of fish, and their women are wanton.”

However Stay campaigner Roose Bolton said: “Without Essos gold we would never have built The Wall, while the free trade agreement has seen a massive boom in the pillaging industry of the Iron Islands.

“I admit not everything they do in the Free Cities is perfect, but if we cleave ourselves from Essos I fear the chill wrath of winter will reave our land until the last dire-wolf bays his final death-call.

“We face hordes of White Walkers and dragons, yet we still want to separate from the rest of the humanity, mainly because they eat funny food.”

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