A MAN who favours the David Beckham look of a sharp suit, beard, quiff and tattoos has suddenly realised how ridiculous he looks.
Sales executive Tom Booker was preparing ready for work when he noticed that none of his cliched fashion statements worked either together or separately, leaving him looking like a fucking idiot.
He said: “What started me thinking was the neck tattoo over the starched white shirt collar. I look like I’m trying to get a lenient sentence for glassing somebody outside a nightclub.
“And that led me on to my beard and moustache, which even without the other stuff could only suit a hipster twat making a guerilla documentary about London cocaine culture.
“But they’re even weirder next to my gelled-up quiff. What sort of look is this? Hipster estate agent? Albanian pimp? Wolverine plays John Travolta in Grease?
“I need a style rethink and this time I won’t be copying a squeaky-voiced simpleton who, now I come to think of it, has been mocked for his fashion choices since the sarong at the 1998 World Cup.”
Booker has now shaved his facial hair and cut off his slimy quiff, causing people to inexplicably keep saying they really suited him.
