MEN have explained that they leave the toilet seat up not because they are lazy bastards, but so women can feel confident it will not be covered in piss.
Having been unfairly labelled bone-idle since indoor plumbing was invented, men have revealed they are in fact deeply considerate and simply want women never to be exposed to their urine.
Martin Bishop said: “Ever since Thomas Crapper first installed a bog, we’ve been accused of not thinking of the poor, helpless ladies who might have to use the toilet after us.
“What brutes we’ve been judged as for forcing women to go through the terrible effort of lowering a light piece of plastic. But the truth is we’ve been doing it for your benefit all along.
“By not putting the seat down, women can feel safe in the knowledge that we did not carelessly aim through the hole, potentially covering it in wee which the woman might then haplessly sit on.
“So we’re gallant heroes after all, aren’t we? Like Sir Walter Raleigh and his cloak, but with piss.”
Bishop’s girlfriend Lucy Parry said: “I have clearly misjudged every man I’ve been out with. But what about the cold wee on the floor I always end up standing in?”
