THE wokerati blame the UK’s massive problems on Brexit and the Tories while any sane person knows these are the real issues, writes Roy Hobbs, aged 64.
Fireman
Any boy who dares say ‘I want to be a fireman when I grow up,’ today would be arrested. Well, I’m sorry, but I’d let my home burn to the ground rather than bow to the politically correct and ask for the help of ‘firepeople’. And I’m sure, if I asked them, my family would agree.
M&Ms
Apparently, Mars are making the sexy green M&M stop wearing those high-heels in all their new ads. Bloody thought police! I’m sorry, but what I imagine doing to sexualised confectionery is between me, my conscience, and a packet of man-sized Kleenex.
Taking the knee
I don’t go to the effort of illegally streaming football matches to watch a bunch of pampered millionaires kneel like they’re bloody proposing to each other for eight to ten seconds before a game. The way I see it, if Ian Rush never did it then it has no place in football.
Meghan Markle
I had to wash my hands after even typing that woman’s name. The fact that a man like Prince Harry can go from upholding traditional British values like dressing as Rommel to leading the woke brigade shows you just how dangerous she is. Clarkson was right.
Vegan sausage rolls
I have boycotted Greggs, at unimaginable personal cost, since the beginning of 2020 and am saddened my nation has not joined me. Unless a pig has lost its life, and the meat power-washed off its carcass has been compressed into a pastry-encrusted pipe, then it has no right being called a sausage roll.
Allergy warnings
If I hear one more Guardian-reader complaining about a gluten or nut intolerance, I’m going to shove a Snickers in a baguette and ram the whole thing down their throat. To hell with ‘may contain this or that’, we need survival of the fittest. It’s why Charles Dickens invented evolution.
Changing James Bond
I don’t give a shit about Roald Dahl, it’s for kids. But changing the sacred texts of James Bond? Censoring a man who was a proud colonial racist, travelling the world to take out foreign potentates who dared challenge the British Empire, before using their women for what they’re good for? It’s made me numb all down one side of my body.
