EMBARRASSED that you’ve forgotten someone’s name? Instead of simply asking, why not do something weird and find out that way instead?
Have an affair with the postman
Your postman or woman knows all your neighbours’ names, but you can’t ask them without looking like a creepy weirdo. However, if you strike up a flirtation that looks like it could lead to a torrid affair based in your garage, they’ll tell you anything.
Pretend to have amnesia
If you’ve lived next door to them for three years it’s far too late for you to admit you don’t know their name, unless you suddenly develop amnesia. Stage a noisy fall in the garden, fake a bump on the head and, when they come running out to help, ask them their name. Easy.
Look them up on the land registry
You do have to pay a small fee, but this is a very discreet method of finding out their name without admitting you’re a sieve-brained idiot. However, if anyone ever finds out they will think you are mental, and they will be right.
Get them really pissed
Set up a barbecue in your back garden and insist they come and join you for a drink when you spy them outside. Ply them with so much booze that they’re on the verge of blacking out, then ask them their name. They won’t remember and they’ll be hugely apologetic for vomiting in your shrubbery.
Make your partner do it
If all else fails force your partner to take one for the team by going round and asking. However, it will probably turn out they already know and they and the neighbour are standing on the doorstep laughing about what a useless twat you are.
