A FOOTBALL being boisterously kicked around a crowded park is causing everyone to flinch in terror, it has emerged.
The ball, which is being haphazardly hoofed between a group of half a dozen young people, has changed the park from a pleasant public space into an anxiety-inducing lawn of despair.
Picnic goer Emma Bradford said: “This was supposed to be a relaxing day out. But with every thunderous punt I’m bracing myself for a ball to rocket into my potato salad. Kind of takes the fun out of everything.
“The lack of control makes everything worse. That ball’s just as likely to be passed around as it is to carom off the back of someone’s head and into my face. At which point I’ll be expected to cheerfully return it while attending to a nosebleed.”
Sunbather Eleanor Shaw said: “They’re not even playing a proper game with it. They’re just sending it as high into the air as they can over and over. Hopefully they’ll get bored soon and f**k off, although it’s been two hours already and they’re not looking tired.”
Ball owner Joshua Hudson said: “I like shouting ‘heads’ every now and then and watching everyone cower.”
