NEED to quickly pop into the bank to see how overdrawn you are? These time-wasting bastards will turn this simple errand into a drawn-out slog.
Customer advisor
The staff hanging out in the doorway are only doing their job, unfortunately it’s a really annoying job and you can’t avoid them. They’ll offer you common sense advice you already knew then send you on your merry way. You mean customers can check their balance on cash machines? Who knew?
Pensioner
Usually found at the front of the queue and bending the ear of the poor bank clerk who is desperately trying to make sense of some confusing tale. As you hang around for ages wondering if you’re being exposed to Covid, it will finally become apparent they didn’t actually need anything and just felt like a natter.
Second home buyer
Not content with having their own place to live, the second home buyer will be happily going through the lengthy process of getting a mortgage again. You’ll recognise them by their entitled attitude and the way they loudly talk about how property prices in Worcestershire are so affordable right now.
Bank clerk
When they’re not casting a steely eye over your pathetic account balance, bank clerks will wring every last piece of personal information out of you for some unclear reason. And because they’ve got quotas to hit they’ll probably sign you up to a credit card you can’t afford that will doom you to bankruptcy.
You
What are you doing in the bank anyway? There are cash machines everywhere and the bank has an app that was specifically invented to make sure you don’t pester them in person. You don’t even have any money so you probably set off a silent pauper alarm when you stepped through the door.
