THE extra hour created by the clocks going back will not be put to good use by anyone, it has been confirmed.
Instead of being spent productively by reading books or sorting pensions, the bonus hour will be slept through by everyone at first and then gradually adjusted to with nothing worthwhile to show for it.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The morning after the clocks go back is always odd. You feel all smug as you wind back your watch, then you fritter away that lead by scrolling on your phone.
“You squander more time by telling your friends how weird everything feels, then the last few precious minutes get swallowed up while you wait at a traffic light. Before you know it, the hour is gone completely.
“You could have baked a cake with that time, watched an episode of The Sopranos, or even started your Christmas shopping. But instead you make the same mistakes as you do every year, along with everyone else. It’s tragic.
“Time doesn’t come back, you know. You’ve only got a finite amount of it left, and it’s dwindling away second-by-second as you march towards your inevitable death, which lasts forever.”
Kelly Howard from Newquay said: “Rubbish. I had an extra-long lie-in then a wank, time well spent.”
