THE multi-million pound transfer market is once again ridiculing the pointless allegiances of football fans. 

As millionaire clubs throw around more than you will ever earn to buy the temporary services of a brand with knees, football fans are straining very hard to imagine this is about them.

Football agent Denys Finch Hatton said: “Erling Haaland does not care about City. He cares only about Erling Haaland.

“The most plastic of glory-hunting eight-year-old fans wearing a half-and-half scarf is more invested in Manchester City than Erling Haaland, who already has the date of his move to Real Madrid pencilled in. These people are laughing at you.

“How can anyone have genuine loyalty to a business based so transparently on money? It’s like being a fan of Deutsche Bank.

“A fondness for an individual player makes sense. That individual doesn’t change based on whims and purchasing power. But only liking him when he attends the specific big building you like wearing the specific colour you like is childish and stupid.

“Maybe you’re just fans of one building, no matter who works there, but what happens when the organisation moves to a new building? Then you’re left with nothing other than an allegiance to a proper noun.”

He added: “At the end of the day you’re really just some f**knut who likes the word ‘Arsenal’.”