subscribe
/ Sign Out

Anti-bullying campaign launched for lads who get roasted in the group chat

A CAMPAIGN has been launched to end mercilessly taking the piss out of the same bloke in group chats.

Bullying victim Julian Cook – known to his ‘friends’ as Julian Cock – founded the campaign ‘We All Like A Joke But Can We Leave It Now?’ after years of relentless ridicule claiming to be ‘top banter’.

Cook said: “I took it in good humour for long enough, but now it has to stop. Beta males like me should not be the butt of every joke. Well, I say ‘joke’. It’s mainly just calling me a wanker.

“In 2024 we have a different attitude to bullying that was the norm 20 years ago, whether it’s casual racism or off-colour comments about someone’s sexuality. And that includes saying you’ve shagged my mum.

“That clearly did not happen, Steve.”

Unfortunately the campaign has led to Cook being bullied not just by his group but men across the UK, including claims that he is ‘gay’ and ‘about to cry’. Strangely, the abuse has got worse the more he tries to be serious about it.

Martin Bishop, Julian’s lifelong friend and most ruthless bully, said: “It was all just good fun. I mean, I was laughing. Julian knows that when I call him an ugly waste of space who will never amount to anything or get another girlfriend, it’s just a really witty joke.

“Sadly, every lads’ WhatsApp group needs one person who doesn’t post, one who shares annoying memes, and one who gets constantly dunked on. And that’s not going to be me.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

Olympians feasting on their delicious medals

OLYMPIC medal winners are wasting no time in consuming the precious metal discs they need to eat in order to survive.

Having fended off competition from lesser athletes, top Olympians are eagerly devouring their appetising medals in front of the world’s media instead of patiently waiting to feed in the seclusion of their holding pens.

BBC commentator Clare Balding said: “Christ, would you look at them chow down? It’s beautiful but also quietly terrifying, like a thunderstorm.

“These medals give Olympians all the energy and metals they need to sustain them for the next four years, so no wonder they’re getting stuck in. Meanwhile the runts who won nothing will slowly starve to death. Sounds brutal but that’s nature.

“Look closely and you’ll see that most Olympians like to test the quality of their medals with a cautious nibble. Although Tom Dean put on a show yesterday by throwing his into the air and swallowing it whole. It’s been the highlight of the entire games so far.

“Once their feeding frenzy is over they floss their teeth with the ribbons and sleep for seven days. They’ll leave one eye open of course, to look out for predators.”

Gymnast Simone Biles said: “The gold ones are my favourite. They taste of smoky bacon.”

Next story ›