PEOPLE who have never had sex are most likely to request aftershave or cologne as Christmas presents.
Researchers found virgins believe a premium fragrance is the best way to mask the odour of sweaty terror that engulfs them when they are close to performing an intimate act.
Others admitted that they hope to perform erotic experiments with curved glass aftershave bottles.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “Pragmatic virgins prefer subtle scents with hints of sandalwood and citrus, but the wildly ambitious, unrealistic ones think that they need a litre of Drakkar Noir and women will suddenly be on them like bears on an ill-prepared mountain climber.”
Virgin Bill McKay, who almost had sex in 1996, said: “I was really hoping that my work Secret Santa would get me aftershave, and that I’d have some sexual success at the office party.
“But I ended up with a joke ‘sexy’ fireman mouse mat. I don’t want a picture of a man who has actually had sex, although I do want to know what he smells like.”
His friend Roy Hobbs said: “If Bill could find some way to mask the stench of desperation, that would be a start. He doesn’t even need to smell especially nice – just clean.”
