AN idiot who is habitually late acts as if it is completely out of her control even when she has been lying in bed watching TikTok until two minutes before she needs to leave.

Lucy Phipps, 29, arrives at all social events at least 40 minutes behind schedule and behaves as if this is a total mystery despite it clearly being because she is indolent and disorganised.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “If she’d been mugged, or sprained her ankle, or stopped to help a lost child, then it’d be understandable. But it’s never those things, not with Lucy.

“She’ll be finishing an episode of Friends that she’s seen 67 times before, or waiting for her nail varnish to dry, or simply just sitting on her bed wrapped in a towel staring at the wall for half an hour.

“And then she arrives in a big flap and says something like ‘Wow, I didn’t realise you live so far away!’ even though she’s been to my house multiple times and it’s a 15-minute walk, max.”

This morning Phipps was a relatively punctual 25 minutes late for work, due to the activities of buying an elaborate coffee, nipping into Boots to browse beauty products and looking at a coat in a charity shop somehow using up time.

Hollis added: “Lucy’s latest thing is to blame her ‘ADHD brain’. But she doesn’t have ADHD, so it just comes down to the fact that she’s a lazy, disrespectful twat.”