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Dad keeps password on Post-it beside computer

A FATHER who believes himself computer-savvy keeps a list of his passwords on a post-it note stuck to his monitor.

Despite being so paranoid about having his identity stolen that he shreds all his post before disposing of it, Martin Bishop believes he has a foolproof system of IT security.

Bishop’s daughter Hannah said: “He thinks his passwords are so cryptic that no burglar would be able to make sense of them, but it’s not going to take Edward Snowden to see a post-it note with ‘MrTibbles1234’ written on it to figure out what’s going on.

“I mean, he’s not especially at risk of being hacked, unless any criminal wants access to a spreadsheet of MOT receipts dating back to 1981, or a folder of 750 nearly identical photos of his recent holiday in the Alps.

“But I know he’s got several thousands pounds stashed away in a savings account and I’m banking on that for a house deposit, so I need to make sure the old duffer doesn’t do anything stupid.”

Mr Bishop said: “My children may laugh, but in 16 years of surfing the world wide web I’ve never once been compromised. Now if you’ll excuse me, Amazon have emailed telling me my account’s on hold until I click the link and enter everything again.”

Becci, and other stupid ways people spell their names to sound more interesting

SPELLING their name in a bizarre way rarely masks the fact that someone is crashingly dull. Do you know one of these people?

Becci, Bekki, Bekkie or Beki

Becky is already a truncation of Rebecca, so the only reason to mess with it further is if you’re so desperate to be different that you decide to spell it in the stupidest way possible. If she hasn’t grown out of it by the time she leaves secondary school, call her Beaky just to annoy her.

Elisabeth

She’s not just any Elizabeth, she is different. Less regal but more enigmatic. She will not let innocent mistakes go, but instead corrects people indignantly. You quietly wonder what that ’s’ has added to her life, apart from irritation on the faces of people taking down her details.

Trystan

Is it Trsytan, Tristen, Tristin, Tristan, Triston or, god forbid, Tristian? Ultimately it doesn’t really matter, as the man who has this name will also have a vintage ‘Landy’ and a massive inheritance, and should rightfully go by the name of ‘rich tosser’.

Catherinn

They clearly didn’t have enough potential for variation with Catherine, Katherine, Katharine, Cathryn, Kathryn, Kathy, Cathy, Kate, Cate, Katrina, Catrina or Cat. She will smugly explain that the extra ‘n’ is silent, just like your seething hatred for her annoying pretensions.

Thom

Insisting on spelling ‘Tom’ in this way may make you feel sophisticated and a little mysterious, but it’s a ball ache for anyone who has to say it aloud. Do you pronounce the ‘th’ as in ‘thumb’? Is he descended from Vikings or something? Or just a man with a boring name leaning heavily on the letter ‘h’ to make himself seem special?

Zandra

Clearly she thought Sandra sounded like a hairdresser’s name and added an exotic ‘z’ in a bid to sound fascinating.  Sadly, she ignored the fact that Zandra makes her sound like a lesser-known Instagrammer who incessantly posts pictures of her pony and her inbred pug dog.

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