THE average Briton spends almost half of every day maintaining a dubious series of streaks, it has emerged.
Following the example of apps like Snapchat and Duolingo, adults now only believe they are performing a leisure activity correctly if they do so for a set period every single day.
Lucy Parry said: “Kept up my TV streak this weekend. Up to 460 days watched, so I don’t want to lose that even if there is nothing but shit on.
“Meanwhile my boyfriend’s lager streak continues. At least one pint or can every single day, without fail. He celebrated reaching 730 days last week – two whole years, I’m so proud of him – by getting shitfaced.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Smartphones have so thoroughly gamified our hobbies that we cannot conceive of them being their own reward. Instead we create notional ‘streaks’ to congratulate ourselves for doing things we enjoy.
“Whether you’re maintaining a streak of running 5K, reading a book, not smoking meth, Wordle, painting a little tiny Warhammer man, posting used underwear to Henry Cavill, trolling, being in a relationship you would rather not be in or internet addiction, you must keep it going. Otherwise you’ve failed.”
He added: “The UK wanking streak is held by 60-year-old Roy Hobbs of Northampton who is currently on a fantastic 16,801 days. He doesn’t know, he’s never owned a phone.”
