KEIR Starmer has told pensioners worried about their winter fuel allowance that being furiously and impotently right-wing will give them an inner glow.
The prime minister has advised readers of the Daily Express if they work themselves up to approximately the froth they were in between 2016 and 2019 about their precious Brexit, they will soon be red-faced and sweating.
He continued: “We’re exploring alternative energy sources. And whatever rage keeps you old crocks going seems inexhaustible.
“Cold fingers? Off you go and tweet your support for Reform. Cold feet? Have a stamp up and down with your old ‘No Deal Now’ sign. Cold feeling deep inside? That’s because after all your tantrums you still lost, didn’t you?
“But don’t worry. Dwell for a moment on small boats, on our net zero idiocy, or on that photo of me and Angela kneeling from 2020 and you’ll soon have the blood circulating madly around your body and one eye twitching spasmodically.
“Watching GB News is free – nobody would pay for it – and that’ll keep you fired up with splenetic indignation all day long. I only hope your heart can take it.”
He added: “Left-wing? Either the warmth of finally having a socialist government or burning injustice that a red Tory’s in charge. Either is fine.”
