YOU’RE wearing a suit and sitting opposite your girlfriend at a romantic dinner. But why? Desperately try to figure it out with this quiz.
Is it a birthday celebration?
A) Yes. It’s my girlfriend’s birthday and I’m surprising her with a romantic meal in a restaurant that her friends said she’d pre-approved.
B) It’s not my birthday because my mum hasn’t cried down the phone about how grown up I am. And it’s not my girlfriend’s birthday because I asked her right around the same time she went all quiet. Pass.
Are you celebrating something important?
A) My girlfriend has passed her driving test. She wanted to drive somewhere, so we’re going to this restaurant for the first and probably last time because I’ll get shitfaced and bawdy then fall asleep on the way home.
B) No idea. But I did do 100 sit-ups in under three minutes this morning. Maybe she saw my posts on Instagram and thought she’d treat me. Better not have a pudding though, don’t want to undo all that hard work.
Is it an anniversary?
A) We’re celebrating four months since our first kiss, which happened after a meal in this very restaurant, apparently.
B) Don’t know. I don’t keep track of soppy milestones. It’s definitely not a celebration of our first shag in my new Picanto though, that was two months and five days ago.
Is it Valentine’s Day?
A) There aren’t tacky paper hearts sprinkled across the table, and I haven’t got the creeping dread that I’ve forgotten to buy a card. So hopefully not.
B) Difficult to tell. Mainly because I never remember the date and get in shit on an annual basis. I’ll swing by the garage on the way home and get some flowers to cover my arse.
Are you breaking up?
A) We’re as solid as a rock. Or equally scared of being single. Same difference, right?
B) I don’t think so. Nobody has the balls to break up face-to-face these days, plus we’re in public. I’ll wait and see if she messages me ‘it’s over’ from the bathroom though.
Is one of you proposing?
A) Shhh, don’t blow my cover. I really need her to say yes so we can get a tax break. Oh yeah and she’s the love of my life etc.
B) I’m not planning to, and girlfriends can’t propose. Cheers, patriarchy.
Answers
Mostly As: You’re sharing a romantic meal with your girlfriend because you’re in a happy, loving relationship and you’re sickening enough to have date nights. Everyone else in the restaurant hates you both and hopes it doesn’t last.
Mostly Bs: You’re here because you girlfriend found a two-for-one voucher online and couldn’t face sharing another frozen pizza with you. Given the state of your relationship, this is your last supper as a couple.
