THE most wonderful day of February is behind us, but did the romance in the air and relentless marketing succeed in getting you laid?
Lucy Parry, librarian: “Yes, it took flowers, chocolates, pink prosecco, a screening of The Notebook and a trail of rose petals to the bedroom but he gave it up. Score.”
Norman Steele, veterinarian: “No. I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day because it’s just marketing. This is very attractive to women, who I have to fight off, but I stand on principle and make this the one day where I give my poor battered knob a rest.”
Joanna Kramer, dietician: “I’m in a long-term, co-habiting, co-parenting relationship with my partner of 12 years. So frankly I find this question offensive.”
Oliver O’Connor, pharmacist: “I did anonymously send my crush a bunch of flowers, a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a card saying ‘I want you and we must be together’. Confident she’ll love that and not find it f**king terrifying.”
Susan Traherne, receptionist: “Not sure. Let me check if there’s anyone in the bed.”
