AM I right to spend my finite life obsessively writing bitchy articles about Meghan? Yes. And her Netflix show has provided me with many more reasons to hate her:
Making a lifestyle show
Why would anyone watch obviously-staged lifestyle fluff about the disgustingly rich? Nobody, other than the millions who tune in for the Kardashians and Nigella.
Cooking pasta incorrectly
Meghan puts pasta into a pan with tomatoes, chard and lemon instead of cooking it separately. Has anyone ever plumbed such depths of evil? No. Even Myra Hindley, Adolf Hitler and Jimmy Savile inhabiting the risen body of Pol Pot wouldn’t come close.
And calling it ‘noodles’
Everyone knows pasta is typically made from durum semolina flour, while noodles use a softer wheat flour. Cow.
Not having a job
What Meghan does is not a job. By contrast, I was William Hague’s press officer in 1999 and now I write inane articles for the Daily Mail. That’s a real contribution to society.
She is a slag
Six boyfriends including Harry? Which she doesn’t strictly mention while arranging flowers but should, as a disclaimer. By medieval standards of sexual morality that makes her little more than a common whore. Harry may have tertiary syphilis.
Careless with her houseguests’ lives
Meghan pampers houseguests by leaving homemade bath salts by their beds. Does she first check if they’re allergic to water? The self-centred bitch doesn’t even mention it.
She’s emasculated her husband
Harry was once a man’s man with his Apache helicopter and blonde girlfriend. Now he’s a woke, effeminate weakling with a blink-and-you-miss-him appearance in the show. He’s emasculated, and not figuratively. Meghan has literally removed his penis and testicles.
Eaten up with envy of Kate
Not once does Meghan mention Kate, a clear sign of the jealousy eating away at her, leaving her unable to think of anything else. I would never let such emotions consume me.
Cheating on Harry
Meghan is seen being friendly with celebrity chef Roy Choi, who is supposedly showing her how to make Korean fried chicken. A little too friendly. At 54 he’s old enough to be her father, if he’d had a child when he was 11.
Desperate to drive William and Harry apart
Not the British press, her. Was William invited on the show to make a floral teabag? No. Because her poison has torn the monarchy apart.
She bullies Harry
Meghan stops Harry having too much salt on his food. She won’t let him eat what he wants to. Is this part of a wider pattern of physical abuse and coercive control? The malevolent glint in her dead reptilian eyes says ‘yes’.
Taking advantage of hardworking bees
Meghan couldn’t buy cruelty-free honey from Sainsbury’s. No, in an premeditated heist, she and an accomplice don protective clothing, rip open the terrified bees’ homes and help themselves. The brutality is shocking.
Likely murdered the Queen
Meghan is so eager to present a positive image she must be hiding a dark secret. The obvious one is murdering the Queen to further isolate Harry from his loving family. And framing Liz Truss for it.
Caused her husband’s bald patch
The stress of a £58 million Netflix contract is what’s making Harry’s hair fall out. No other Royals suffer male pattern baldness. It can only be because of Meghan’s insatiable lust for fame.
Routinely lies to the disabled
The Invictus Games is the only event where Meghan and Harry are treated like A-listers. The cruel pair encourage the crippled to think it’s the real Olympics, while everyone is laughing at them pretending to do sports in their funny little wheelchairs. I certainly am.
Presumed to have sold her children
Archie and Lilibet were conspicuously absent from the Netflix documentary. This strongly suggests Meghan has sold her own children, possibly for drinking money.
The only person she cares about is herself
It’s clear from the show that it’s all ‘me me me’ with Meghan. But who wants to listen endlessly to the irrelevant opinions of a horrible, vindictive cow? Not I, ma’am. Not I.
