Kinky blindfold sex best way to imagine lover is someone else

USING a blindfold during sex is the best way to imagine you are sleeping with someone other than your partner, it has emerged.

While intimacy experts say that closing off one of the senses in this way increases anticipation and excitement, for the majority of people it just makes it easier to imagine they are being railed by Pedro Pascal.

Helen Archer said: “When I suggested to my husband that I put on a blindfold before he started oral, his eyes lit up. He thought I wanted to explore my kinky side at last, but little does he know it just makes it easier to pretend he’s an insatiable Gary Lineker.

“Unfortunately, though, a blindfold can’t block out his nasal, grating voice, so I’ve tried popping on headphones as well and listening to an audiobook read by someone with more sexually arousing tones.

“With eyes and ears both blocked, I’m picturing Gary and listening to Alan Cumming narrating Dracula. Yes, it’s an insane combination but it’s my fantasy, so I can do what the hell I like.

“I’ve suggested to my husband that he uses a blindfold and headphones at the same time. We’ll barely be able to tell the other person is there. That’s what marriage is all about.”

Please do not interrupt us remembering the war dead by trying to stop more

THE UK has requested that protesters do not stop our solemn remembrance of those lost in conflict by trying to stop it happening again.

The police have been asked to stop Sunday’s anti-war marches from disturbing an occasion when we remember the horrors of war and those lost in them, and avow it should never take place again.

Met Police commissioner Sir Mark Rowley said: “The two occasions couldn’t be more different. It’s a complete ideological clash.

“Whatever these protesters believe, surely we can find common ground when it comes to the senseless loss of life and the need to honour our innocent dead? The past-tense ones. Those in the present and future are beyond our remit.

“There’s hateful conduct on those marches such as you get in war, not the lovely non-denominational mourning and commemoration you get when it’s all safely over.

“No matter that their march is in a different location two hours later. This is only once a year. They can hold their march next week, there’s no rush.”

Home secretary Suella Braverman said: “Anyone not wearing a poppy: fire at will.”