YOU matched on Tinder but now you’ve brought up politics, and that was a fatal mistake. But how to get through the evening without fist-fighting in Café Rouge?
Avoid the subject
Most dates are about avoiding the subject of sex. Now you’ve got to avoid sex and Brexit. Because the latter is now the diabolical kaleidoscope through which we now view everything, it will be tricky to stop yourselves. Stick obsessively to an obscure subject it can’t attach itself to, like whether woodpeckers get headaches.
Engage in passive-aggressive bitching
Lines like ‘Shall we remain here or head off blindly into the darkness, hoping for the best?’ or ‘Are you happy to accept my decision on the wine, or will you spend the rest of the meal trying to overturn it?’ are so petty and irritating it’ll be like you’re married.
Get a friend to call with an ‘emergency’
The classic tactic for getting out of a bad date, except this time it’s not a fake emergency to escape from a socially inept weirdo but a real emergency because you’re on a date with a terrorist who has basically taken our nation hostage and threatened to murder it.
Get blind drunk
After a few drinks it won’t matter which of you worships at Farage’s feet and which hails each new Gina Miller legal case as the second coming. A few more after that and you might not even remember which side you’re on. Perhaps the baby you conceive this unfortunate night will be able to untangle the whole Brexit knot, in about 20 years.
Attempt to see the other person’s point of view
Why not? Your evening’s ruined anyway. It could be like Romeo and Juliet, or West Side Story. As in tragic and somebody will die.
