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Gen Z couple break up after realising six-month age gap was problematic

A COUPLE have split after deciding that their six-month age difference created an unequal power balance in their relationship.

James Bates, 20, and his ex-partner Lucy Parry, 19, had been worrying about the large age gap for some time, as had their Generation Z friends and complete strangers on social media. 

They finally decided to separate when one Instagram user – who does not know either of them – commented: “Why is this mature man taking advantege of poor young girl???” 

Bates said: “EmLuvsCats was absolutely right. What could a 20-year-old possibly have in common with a 19-year-old who can also pay tax, drink alcohol and serve on a jury?

“Lucy is little more than a child, bowled over by the attention of an older, worldly man with a high-powered job as a trainee B&Q customer service advisor. It’s wrong to keep abusing my position of trust.”

Parry said: “We didn’t want to be like one of those problematic celebrity age-gap couples – Leonardo DiCaprio and whichever 20-year-old he’s with at the moment. What would have happened when James was 30 and old, and I was still a youthful 29?” 

Since the break-up Parry has started dating again, and after sifting through a vast number of potential partners has found one born on exactly the same day, 5th March 2004. 

She said: “I’m so sad all the time and I miss James terribly. But I’m going to have to keep dating Steve because he’s only four hours older than me, and everyone says that’s probably okay.”

I tried living without public services for an hour and I was fine. By a Daily Telegraph columnist

By Charlotte Phelps

I SEE public sector workers are getting huge pay rises again, but do we really need these skiving Bolsheviks in our lives? I didn’t use their services for a full hour today, and I’m just fine.

Doctors would have you believe they’re running themselves ragged treating sick people every day. But while I’ve been sitting here typing I haven’t felt ill once. Not a twinge. So what are we paying them for – other than grafting penises onto confused teenage girls because they saw it on TikTok and think it’s ‘cool’?

Socialist spendthrifts will no doubt say: ‘But what if you were in a car accident, Charlotte?’ Well I wasn’t. And why on earth would I be driving a car in my home office? So that demolishes that argument. 

Even worse than doctors are teachers, crybaby failures in life who can’t relate to other adults and expect a medal for being able to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar. But in this last hour I’ve been a perfectly productive member of society without needing another O-level.

What can these Marxist oddballs offer me when I’ve got a third in Classics from Oxford? I’m hardly going to go back and study copper sulphate solution. My children don’t need their services either because they’re at fee-paying schools. I’ll admit Orlando and Persephone aren’t the brains of Britain, but the £30,000 a year is worth it because the smart uniforms with little hats are adorable.

Naturally the police don’t want to miss out on the taxpayers’ money bonanza. Did a gang of heavily-armed murderers and rapists break in while I was warming up a croissant? No. And if they had the local rozzers would have been too busy investigating personal pronouns.

I could weep for what this country has become, happy to be blackmailed by fat nurses and Beardo the Weirdo teachers who’d rather teach Stalin than Shakespeare. Come on Rishi, tell these freeloaders to sling their hook. Offer them £5,000 a year and not a penny more. 

If they don’t like it we should do two things: send in the army, and all go private. If, heaven forfend, I do ever suffer a serious injury I won’t be stupid enough to wait hours for the leftie NHS, I’ll just call a Bupa ambulance.

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