SHOULD you cook a decent meal? Nah, you can’t be bothered so just get this random processed shit from the corner shop 20 metres away.
Crap Birds Eye chicken products
Out of sheer laziness you’ll convince yourself the ersatz chicken nuggets will be tasty. They’ll actually be a bit slimy, or contain a surprising amount of air. Ideal for dieters as you scrape most of them into the bin.
Dr Oetker pizzas
You know you shouldn’t really eat these, because you could get a far superior pizza just by wandering to Sainsbury’s or dialling for one. Instead you chomp through the cardboard-tasting base and tiny bits of topping. Interestingly, Dr Oetker’s son was in the SS, so maybe sadism was a family trait.
Very low quality toilet paper
Not the most thrilling purchase, but your corner shop will sell it for double the price of normal toilet paper. You’ll soon discover there are only about 20 sheets on the loose roll, and there is a strong chance of your fingers going through it.
Extremely dodgy wine
£2.99 for a bottle of red is a bargain, right? Until it actually enters your mouth. You’re not sure if it’s corked, just very poor quality or consists of 60 per cent antifreeze from a bootleg operation in Latvia. You’ll still drink it, though.
Pot Noodles
A delightful trip down memory lane to your childhood, surely? But once you’re grimly chomping through the horrible chemical-tasting noodles you remember why you haven’t eaten one for 30 years.
