BRITONS under lockdown have confirmed that their homes appear to be getting a tiny bit smaller every day.
Residents estimate that somehow at least an inch of each room is disappearing every 24 hours, leaving them unable to walk across it without tripping over a pair of f**king shoes.
Francesca Johnson said: “This isn’t just my imagination. I can touch the TV with my foot from the settee now. It used to be miles away.
“This was a big house once. Now we’re all bumping elbows at the kitchen table and there’s clutter piled everywhere. By the end of lockdown it’ll be roughly the size of a static caravan.”
Physics professor Denys Finch Hatton said: “No, this isn’t an illusion caused by being locked in the house for most of a year. It’s a rare phenomenon of quantum physics caused by the density of observers in a location. So, yeah, basically they’re shrinking.
“Soon even wealthy families in nine-bed farmhouses will be living and sleeping in a single room, while single people in studio apartments will be standing in cupboards.
“However, you must of course continue to pay the same rent and mortgages.”
