NEVER achieved much? Imagine you’re special and boost your self-esteem by taking a weird amount of pride in these non-achievements.
Not going to university
Being successful without going through academia is impressive, but constantly banging on about it screams ‘massive chip on shoulder’. Hearing about how much you ‘hustled’ in your youth is almost as annoying as people who won’t shut up about Oxbridge 20 years later.
Their car
Obsessive car owners know more about their motor than their loved ones. They might even have given their car a horribly twee nickname like Prudence the Punto. Male car lovers like to imagine they’re driving around in a sleek beast of Ferrari, not a mid-price, generic salesman’s car identical to all the others headed for the NEC on the motorway.
Social media stats
Made a joke that got a couple of likes on social media? Congratulations. Now avoid the temptation to reshare it every 10 minutes in the desperate hope that it will get more traction. And don’t tag celebrities to get boosted, it looks desperate. Neither will push your follower count into double digits anyway.
Dietary preferences
If you’re sickeningly smug about only eating flaxseed bread then you deserve all the mockery you get. Especially if you look down on knuckle-dragging white bread eaters, saying ‘Don’t you know that gives you heart disease?’ Sorry, Mr Bread Fascist, Boots’ sandwich cabinet didn’t have any organic sourdough flown in fresh from Verona.
Not having a TV
You know someone doesn’t have a television because they drop it into conversation every other sentence. They’re strangely up-to-date with Succession and Ted Lasso though because they watch it on a laptop while snuggled up in their sense of moral superiority. Not like some dolt glued to the ‘idiot box’.
