HE’S the bullish tech billionaire turning heads and defunding federal agencies in the White House, but how can you capture that maverick Musk charm? Follow these tips:
Dark MAGA hat
How to reconcile self-proclaimed genius and plans for a utopian world with backing a blustering moron for president? It’s very simple – get a black hat! That makes Elon Dark MAGA, rather than the ordinary red MAGA, and means he’s sophisticated and has great motives for tearing down democracy! Gothic lettering optional.
Hair transplant (black)
He is unlike ordinary men, a cyborg with bionic enhancements, and nowhere is that more visible than Elon’s head. A 53-year-old man who was once visibly balding – now with a full head of black hair? How? Because the future is here and real. To replicate this at home, first suffer from male pattern baldness, then spend approximately $18m on hiding it.
Tech T-shirt (black)
A standard Metallica T-shirt is not for the world’s richest man. No, when you’re a multi-billionaire who can buy a country, only a faded black tee given away free at a conference for network engineers will show you’re still down with your people; men who find human interaction to be ultimately not as satisfying as an eight-monitor set-up.
Expensive coat or jacket (black)
Coats are necessary. They protect against rain. But according to experts in their field, there is also a style element? As a kindness, Elon allows his team to choose his top layer and grants them an unlimited budget. And, to their credit, he does cut a figure that could grace the cover of a 1995 Polish reprint of a cyberpunk novel, so you should do the same.
Jeans (black)
No messing about down below. Jeans are hardwearing, cool and need no ironing. Choose any colour you like, as long as it’s black! Henry Ford said that, and he was an incredibly successful car manufacturer who ploughed millions into propaganda for Hitler. Funny little historical echo, that.
Bespoke sneakers (black)
Finally, finish the look with a pair of sneakers bearing your businesses’ logos. Whether Tesla Air Jordans, SpaceX New Balance, The Boring Company Vans or I Freeze My Sperm To Seed The Stars With Tech Dorks Adidas Gazelles, wear whatever you’ve spent thousands on creating. Congratulations, you look like Elon! The girls will come running.
