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Five weekend getaways you can enjoy from your home

IS self-isolation getting you down? Get away from it all with these weekend break destinations you can enjoy at home.

Your bed

Lying in bed all day is an easily achievable staycation option. Once you’ve woken up you literally don’t have to move a muscle, plus you get to take in stunning views like that patch of mould on the ceiling and the lampshade your ex never liked.

The shower

Think of the shower as your own private spa that you can piss in without being kicked out. We recommend you don’t spend too much time in here though, as you’ll be alone with your thoughts and nobody can stomach that for long, especially at the moment.

By the window

Competition will be fierce for this destination if you live with others. But if you nab yourself a place, you’ll be treated to a glimpse of the legendary ‘outdoors’ and maybe even spot one of those rare and beautiful ‘people you’re not allowed to go near’.

The back of the wardrobe

Follow in the footsteps of those Narnia kids by exploring the back of your wardrobe. Will you find a fantasy world populated with mythical beasts, or a pile of crumpled old clothes you’ve been meaning to throw away? Only one way to find out, and both will be more exciting than watching Tiger King again.

Your imagination

If you’ve got one, your imagination can be an endless source of fascination and entertainment. Chances are yours has been burnt out by social media and pornography, in which case try drugs.

Veganism and six other things that aren't really happening right now

THE last month has been a bonfire of high-minded intentions in the face of reality. So what have you given up on? 

Being vegan

There’s a time and place for making a radical change to your diet, and it turns out a global pandemic isn’t it. All those people preaching about plant-based diets three months ago are back on the sausages, and loving it.

Only reading books by women

Did you resolve to spend 2020 only reading books by women to give you a fresh perspective on the world? And yet here we are two weeks into lockdown and you’re balls-deep in re-reading Sven Hassel’s panzer regiment books.

Pop-ups

Whether it’s a vintage clothing boutique, an Indonesian street food stall or a neo-R&B club night, there are no pop-ups. There are barely any permanent shops. Pop-up online if you want. See how that works for you.

Duolingo

What the f**k would be the point of learning a new language now?

Extinction Rebellion

In one sense, the Extinction Rebellion environmental protest movement has stopped dead. In another more direct sense, half the world is quietly rebelling against extinction right now. Just without glueing themselves to roads.

Training for a Tough Mudder or whatever

Difficult as it is to accept, nobody gives a toss about your Tough Mudder or Himalayan trek or whatever anymore. And even harder to accept, they never did.

Brexit

Face it. Nobody cares. Everyone’s moved on. You’ve got the excuse you’ve been praying for, Boris.

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