THE so-called ‘day of rest’ is actually the day of tedious chores, including these five tasks that make you yearn for the punishment of the daily grind:
Vacuuming
Hoovering wouldn’t be so bad if you were cleaning up after a party but you’re just sucking up dust that’s sloughed off your horrible, flaking body during the week. Plus Henry’s smug, smiling face makes you feel like he’s following you around taking the piss. Roll on Monday morning when you’ll be free to get bollocked in a 1-2-1 meeting about your poor performance.
Food shopping
You could get your food shopping delivered, but then you’d have to wait for it at home, spend a certain amount, and they’ll f**k up half the items anyway. That’s why you’re spending your precious weekend trying to herd a shopping cart round Morrisons and filling it up with ready meals. Daydream about spreadsheets until you’re finally finished.
Doing the laundry
First you have to separate the colours and check the pockets. Then you need to fill up the detergent drawer and push some buttons. And that’s before you even factor in hanging up your laundry and ironing it. Make life easier by buying new clothes when your old ones start to smell of BO. Or even better, become a naturist.
Washing up
If you did this during the week it would only take a couple of minutes. But you’ve let seven days’ worth of dirty plates pile up and now all the food stains have become hard as diamonds and impossible to scrub off. You don’t get this sort of shit in the office, mainly because the cleaner you politely ignore washes everything for you.
Cleaning the bathroom
The final boss of Sunday chores. There’s tile grouting to scrub, a toilet to bleach, and an untidy cabinet full of verruca gel and cotton buds to put off sorting for another week. Just try to power through as quickly as possible, not everything can be as fun as compiling the Q1 sales report you’re now fantasising about.
