ECONOMISTS may look to interest rates and GDP, but the strongest sign we’re in the financial shitter is teens with their boxers up over their waistbands again. And these:
Baggy jeans
Thought we’d left these shapeless, sexless, uncomfortable atrocities in the 00s? No, they’re back, they’re ugly, and they’re very useful for maximising the amount of basic foodstuffs you can shoplift.
Balaclavas
If the aforementioned shoplifting fails, the balaclava trend means you’re already sorted for a full-blown armed robbery.
Big boobs
Back when the money was flowing, people were too happy or coked up to care about objectifying women’s bodies. Now that we can’t afford heating, however, we can only dream of having that extra bit of built-in insulation.
Fringed dresses
Dangling threads everywhere, the chic fringed dress trend is easy to replicate by buying any item from Primark and wearing it twice.
Newsboy hats
The craze of the newsboy hat proves that we’re hitting the 1930s worldwide depression fad early. Although, in current markets, ‘newsboy’ is a job that even university grads are struggling to break into, unless they have family connections for an unpaid internship.
Candyfloss pink
The new shade is a gentle, delicate pink, easily achieved by not being able to do a separate whites wash and putting last season’s fuchsia in the mix. Now everything’s pink.
Vintage clothing
It sounds chic, but what it’s actually called is ‘a brand new coat would cost a hundred f**king pounds’. It’s wonderful to be praised for paying tribute to the 90s with your low-rise capris, when you’re actually wearing them because your mum was throwing them out and you shouted ‘Don’t!’
Tooth gems
Unfortunately, the appearance of tooth gems means that we’re already too far gone. Our collective brokenness has resulted in a collective insanity.
