Actual B&B far superior to Airbnb, shocked Gen Z couple discover

A YOUNG couple who stayed in a B&B where they were given breakfast and not charged extra for cleaning have realised Airbnb is a con.

Sophie Rodriguez and Josh Hudson were forced to book into the Sea Spray Guest House in Brighton after their Airbnb stay in a ‘luxury’ converted lifeboat was cancelled at the last minute.

Rodriguez said: “We were gutted, but we were in Brighton for a queer vegan music festival so we had to stay somewhere, and this was our only option.

“Everyone knows that life pre-internet was barely worth living, so we weren’t expecting much from a place which we had to physically walk inside to book, but we were very pleasantly surprised, once we’d got over our terror of speaking to another human.

“It was very clean, the bedroom wasn’t a cupboard photographed with a wide-angle lens to look bigger, and we didn’t have to feel guilty about contributing to the destruction of communities while doing f**k all about it.

“On top of all of that, they gave us breakfast and didn’t hit us with an exorbitant cleaning fee which was obviously taking the piss. We’ll definitely be coming again.”

Sea Spray Guest House owner Donna Sheridan said: “We’re glad they enjoyed their stay. Just don’t tell them about the ‘hipster twat’ premium we added to their bill.”

Being choked during sex: Why aren't men into it?

By Grace Wood-Morris, experienced choker who knows you want it

THERE’S nothing better than the feeling of two warm, strong hands obstructing your windpipe as you approach climax. So why are men so reluctant to be choked?

Picture it. You’re making sweet, beautiful love. Yet when the angel astride you gently reaches down to place exquisite, sensitive pressure on your neck to heighten your pleasure, what do you do? Freak out.

That’s what I’ve been through with so many men. A close-minded refusal to confess they want their airways compressed means they’re not achieving the satisfaction they could from sex.

The censorious say I should discuss it with them beforehand. Er, no. First, this is a perfectly normal sexual act. Second, it takes away the spontaneous spiciness. Third, men feel too much societal pressure to say no.

Despite knowing they want to, and their lustful looks at my long-fingered stranglin’ hands, they don’t have the courage to admit their desires. That they’re gagging for a restriction of oxygen just as they’re about to get there. The pussies.

Occasionally men suggest choking me and I have to explain that no, I’m not into it. That it’s primarily a male fetish to see their lover’s smiling face looming over them as they lose consciousness.

And if they want me to stop, they only have to tell me. Using their eyes ideally, as coherent speech when they’re experiencing new heights of ecstasy can be tricky.

So men, stop lying to yourselves and get out there and get yourselves choked. I’ll be in the Tamworth area from about 7pm on Friday.