January 6th rioters ask if they can have another riot

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Yes, I saved him specifically to renounce birthright citizenship, confirms God

THE Almighty has confirmed that He personally intervened to save Trump’s life so he could become president and revoke birthright citizenship.

In a rare statement to the media, God has clarified that on July 13th last year He diverted a bullet speeding towards Trump’s head so that he could live, win the election and end automatic citizenship for the children of undocumented immigrants in the US.

The Lord said: “It might not make sense to you now, but do you think Moses leading the tribes of Israel off into the desert did? I move in mysterious ways.

“If you think on a larger, divine scale as I do, sparing Trump was paramount. The benefits of overturning the 14th Amendment may take a few millennia to shake out, but trust me. It’ll be central to my long-awaited third book of the Bible.

“I am not a vainglorious God so I tried not to make it seem too obvious. Nicking him on the ear was a classy touch, if I pronounce it as thus myself. But yes, I delivered him from evil, he is my anointed instrument and prophet, and I am mighty pleased.

“Honestly, we need the birthright thing or the Second Coming won’t get started off right. As usual the Almighty’s playing the long game.”

He added: “Oh, while I’m on, can I clarify about the meek inheriting the Earth? That bit was not to be take literally.”