AFTER a tense night of vote counting, around 20 per cent of Germany has decided to back a far-retro movement.
With its position as Europe’s democratic powerhouse now looking as grossly unfashionable on the world stage as skinny jeans, Germany is bringing back the political ideology it pioneered in the 1930s and saw mocked for decades.
Chancellor-in-waiting Friedrich Merz said: “Being the centrist leader of a diplomatic union is so 1990s. Where’s the oomph? Where’s the marching?
“So, inspired by the US, voters have decided to vote in a right-wing party with a far-right minority just like in 1933, with its sharp uniforms and stylish ornate eagles and snappy songs.
“Like any retro movement, it’ll start out with an air of self-awareness and irony. But in time we’ll drop the facade and start moving troops into Hungary. ‘What, you want Russia to invade unopposed?’ are the kind of excuses we’ll use.
“Why did our old politics go out of style again? Was it because Anna Wintour decided liberal democracies were in? I forget. But as the leader of this new regime, I can’t wait to see where the fascism rollercoaster takes me. Hopefully not to a bunker!”
Voter Johann Schmidt of Düsseldorf said: “I’d always wondered how Germany allowed the Nazis to take over and slaughter millions. Turns out, because it was in.”
