BRITISH children under five are shorter than their European counterparts, according to a survey. And this possible effect of malnutrition is excellent news for Britain, writes Tory MP Norman Steele.
Smaller children can perform delicate tasks in factories with their little fingers
We’ve all seen the inspiring story of manufacturing efficiency Schindler’s List. Just think – undersized six or seven-year-olds could be put to work performing intricate industrial tasks today’s automated machinery is still unable to. This would not only keep our young midgets off the streets but free up robots to paint, write poetry and so forth.
Smaller children eat less, so school dinners could be halved
Britain’s feral, obese, inner-city children, addicted to burgers, pizza and fried chicken, are eating the nation out of house and home. Halve them in size and you halve the nation’s food budget, leaving more food to strengthen Britain’s elite entrepreneurs, wealth creators and hedge fund managers – who could be boosted to heights of nine feet tall!
Smaller children find it harder to escape from borstal, later prison
Think of the expense to the taxpayer of having to build walls ten or 15 feet tall in our penal institutions. With smaller children, later to be smaller adults, you could build walls about six feet high and they’d be jumping up and down unable to scale them. The bricks, mortar and cement saved could then be bought up by property developers who wish to bulldoze pubs and libraries in East London to make way for new luxury apartments for Made in Chelsea stars, City executives and Russian kleptocrats.
When they’re adults, they could live in Wendy houses
Smaller Britons could solve the current housing crisis at a stroke. The smallest of them could live in cheaply manufactured toy houses perfectly adequate for their tiny frames. Of course, in time the market would adjust and a Wendy house in Croydon, currently priced at £120, would be worth £450,000. Get in now investors, is my advice!
Smaller British children will be a curiosity for foreign tourists
Much as pygmy tribes are currently gawped at by adventurous world travellers, wealthy European tourists of normal height will flock to Britain to look at our emergent nation of tinies. Britain will become the Lilliput of the 21st century. And for the those who were enchanted by Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I see no harm in dyeing some of them orange so that foreign visitors can take home their very own Oompa Loompa.
