A DAILY Mail reader is unconvinced by the supposed benefits of drinking water in a heatwave.
Having learnt to distrust aspirin, salt, women and foreigners from his media outlet of choice, Roy Hobbs has now turned his scepticism towards staying hydrated in a heatwave.
Hobbs said: “Why should I drink water when my body is already 60 per cent water? I notice the so-called ‘experts’ haven’t got an answer to that perfectly valid question.
“We don’t even know where water comes from or if it gives you cancer. Nothing on the internet confirms this theory, which must mean there’s a big cover-up going on. The Met Office? Yet another institution captured by wokery.
“First the vaccine, and now the government’s urging us to drink water all day. Am I the only one seeing the pattern here? They’ve probably laced it with 5G or discovered that a quenched population is more likely to reverse Brexit.
“The water board’s saying this to boost their profits. They’ll have to get up earlier than that to trick me. I’m riding out this heatwave by sipping nothing but boiling mugs of Ovaltine to prove the snowflakes wrong.”
Coroner Martin Bishop said: “Roy was found hyperventilating this morning wearing a foil blanket over a puffa jacket. Cause of death: idiocy.”
