REGULARLY eating food protects against death, it has emerged.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: Theres been a lot of negative press about food lately, with some doctors and telly people giving the impression that youre best off avoiding it all together.
We took two groups of rats and locked group A in a supermarket for a week, where they ran around eating the bejesus out of all the food while group B didnt get any food.
At the end of the experiment the supermarket rats had grown to the size of small labradors and their pelts were just as shiny, while group B unfortunately didnt make it.
Professor Brubaker believes there is a clear link between eating food and not dying.
You need to eat food every day. Probably not loads of the same thing like in a contrived documentary, or Haribo which doesnt count, but some food.
Eventually you will die, but that is inevitable.
