THE government refuses to accept the NHS is in crisis. Are they lying or are you being an entitled whinger for expecting hospital care after a heart attack? Find out with our quiz.
Does spending 70 hours on a trolley in a corridor count as hospital care?
A) Yes. It’s fine to be catheterised in a public place by a weeping student nurse. It’s still a medical setting, right?
B) No. It’s unsafe and undignified but Rishi Sunak doesn’t care about that because he goes private. He probably gets his own Playstation and extra-comfy slippers.
Would you be happy being turfed out of an ambulance into a hospital car park?
A) Yes, because most people calling ambulances are pathetic snowflakes who could do with some fresh air.
B) No. I understand there’s no room in hospitals, but if it was okay to keep patients outdoors you could drop them off in a supermarket car park and call it ‘Asda General Hospital’.
Do you want to die while lying in a puddle waiting for an ambulance?
A) Well, it’s not ideal but I hate immigrants so I’m prepared to put up with it if I can keep voting people like Suella Braverman in.
B) No, but given the amount of excess deaths happening due to delays I’ve invested in some waterproof trousers so I can die in comfort.
Can it all be blamed on the pandemic?
A) Is that what Steve Barclay says? Well, obviously he’s right. He’s definitely a stand-up guy and not some useless bastard doing bugger all to help.
B) No, but they’re clearly going to keep using that as an excuse for every f**k-up from Brexit to a Tory MP putting a new conservatory on expenses.
Do you think the Conservative party is brilliant?
A) Even a rabid right-winger like me can see that the country is in a state but if it stopped Labour getting in I’d let them shoot me in the face. Even if there’s a six-month wait for bullet wounds nowadays.
B) F**k off.
Mostly As: You don’t think the NHS is in crisis, but that’s because you’re currently sitting on a comfortable sofa reading the Telegraph. Come back and do the quiz again after you’ve broken a hip putting the bins out.
Mostly Bs: You know the NHS is in crisis and are terrified of injuring yourself. Cover yourself in bubble wrap and stay at home for the next three months. Things might have improved slightly by Easter.
