DO YOU prefer disgusting synthetic milk to the normal kind? Here’s what your alternative milk choice says about you.
Goat’s milk
There are few substances out there that can make a cup of tea taste worse than goat’s milk can. You are a masochistic weirdo.
Rice milk
If ever there was a drink for puritanical miseries who don’t want to over excite their taste buds, it’s rice milk. You are probably the resident counsellor at a ‘wellness festival’.
Coconut milk
People who enjoy coconut milk essentially want their food and drink to be either a pudding or a cocktail. Stop pretending to be a saint and tuck into a sticky toffee pudding and a Pina Colada.
Hemp milk
Hemp milk is highly sustainable but comes in a notoriously difficult to recycle Tetra Pak. The perfect milk alternative for pretend hippies or two-faced bastards.
Pea milk
If you find yourself purchasing ‘milk’ made from peas and it makes you feel wholesome and special instead of mentally unstable, you’re either Gwyneth Paltrow or you need to take a good hard look at your life choices.
