THE sole remaining consumer of Bovril in the UK has struggled to justify why he voluntarily drinks brown, salty water.
When confronted by family and friends about drinking hot, beefy piss water instead of tea or coffee, 56-year-old Norman Steele was unable to provide rational reasons for his deviant habit.
Steele said: “People can’t understand why I still go for a hot drink made from something that voluntarily describes itself as ‘concentrated meat paste’. And they’re right. I’m sick in the head.
“I’ve no idea where the urge comes from. If someone said ‘Gosh I really fancy a cup of liquid cow parts’ you’d think they were mad. I’d see a psychiatrist but the last one told me to f**k off and keep my beef drinks to myself.”
Steele’s wife Clare said: “It’s a nightmare. Not even the most bloodyminded gammons drink this stuff. It makes your breath smell like you’ve been French kissing a frying pan full of congealed burger fat.
“But he won’t just have a coffee, even when he’s tired and wants a pick-me-up. He just dissolves a caffeine pill into his Bovril and calls it a ‘beef speedball’.
“It’s so awkward at friends’ houses. Even the biggest coffee snob will make do with a cup of Nescafe. I’ve seen Norman get someone to make him a pint of diluted Bisto to get his fix.”
Steele added: “It’s strange to think I’m the last of my kind. I’m like that Japanese soldier on a remote Pacific island who didn’t know the war was over. Only he probably had something nicer to drink.”
