RED Bull have unveiled their strongest energy drink which contains enough caffeine to instantly bring on a panic attack.
The new Red Bull AnXXXiety has been specially formulated to cause anyone who consumes it to instantly feel as if the world is ending.
A company spokesperson said: “There’s a huge amount of competition in the energy drinks market, which is why we’ve gone all out on stuffing this one with so much caffeine it’s been banned in the EU. But it’s available in the UK, just another of those Brexit benefits.
“We’re expecting it to be popular with students cramming for exams, teenagers who have consumed so many energy drinks they’ve built up a strong tolerance, and people who have been priced out of the cocaine market thanks to inflation.
“This is an exciting new direction for the company and we’re already looking at changing our slogan from ‘Red Bull gives you wings’ to ‘Red Bull gives you a profound sense of dread and terrifying palpitations’. We think that has a nice ring to it.”
Red Bull drinker Oliver O’Connor said: “Who are you, why are you asking me these questions? Why is that squirrel in the park staring at me? How does it know I’m cheating on my wife? I’m about to die, aren’t I?”
