A MIDDLE-AGED man has amazed onlookers by eating three different ultra-processed foods in one sitting.
Reckless 45-year-old glutton Bill McKay accomplished the life-threatening feat after purchasing a Rustlers quarter pounder, a bag of Mini Cheddars and a Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodle from his local petrol station.
Carolyn Ryan, who witnessed the stunt, said: “I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He made Evel Knievel and those people who ride motorbikes up walls look like pussies.
“No sooner had he scoffed one thing then he was instantly tearing into the next. I dread to think how much palm oil that lunatic was shoving into his system. At least enough to kill a horse, that’s for sure.”
Tom Booker, who joined the awed crowd, said: “There was something beautiful about something so death-defying. With each mouthful people had to hide their eyes, fearing that this would surely be the bite that would finish him off.
“Then for an encore he ripped open a Müller Corner. Only the bravest or stupidest of people tuck into four per cent fruit banana-flavoured puree sprinkled with chocolate flakes. I nearly passed out from the excitement.”
McKay said: “This was just the opening act. Tonight I’m doing hardcore shit like eating a Pukka pie sandwiched between two chocolate chip cookies.”
