A NEW study has found there are no substantial differences between ice cream and gelato other than the latter is consumed by knobheads.
Gelato, anywhere outside of Italy, is distinguished by costing more, being perceived as an artisanal delicacy, and the largely sociological difference that it is purchased by committed onanists ostentaciously pronouncing ‘gelato’ in an arsehole accent.
Grace Wood-Morris, who works in a London gelateria, said: “There’s no similarity. For example, something to do with buttermilk. Also our flavours include apple, kiwi, mint leaf and cocoa, Bacardi, sultana and matcha.
“Our most popular flavours? Vanilla pod, stracciatella which has chocolate in, and wild forest strawberry. But that doesn’t prove anything.”
Regular customer Tom Booker, a 28-year-old theremin player, said: “No, ice cream is for kids at school fairs. Gelato is for adults heading to a literary festival or poetry slam. The two couldn’t be more different.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Sadly, this is one more case of up-themselves twats trying to disguise their proletarian tastes by using foreign words, which really should have stopped when we left the EU.
“It’s ice cream. And that’s not a new concept in mobile pop-ups innovatively incorporating music into its holistic tasting experience. It’s an ice cream van.”
