CLIMATE change? No such thing, according to this bunch of contrarian knobheads confident they know best. Here they are, ranked:
Idiots who think they’re taking on the liberal establishment
A group whose deep political convictions are ‘What do you think? Then I think the opposite’ who are sticking it to The Man, represented by George Clooney, by allying with such radical subversives as Nigel Lawson and ExxonMobil. Have such a confused conception of where power actually resides they consider Darth Vader the scrappy underdog.
Twats with a shred of scientific knowledge
Superficially convincing because they’ve learned some climate jargon and can name the latest scientific reports they don’t understand. Waiting for an actual scientist to pop up and explain they’re wrong so they can accuse him of being a paid shill. Because climate scientists all drive Bugattis to their superyachts.
Free thinkers
Citing an obscure denialist they heard on a podcast, they smugly opine ‘They didn’t believe Galileo when he said the sun was at the centre of the solar system.’ Okay, but the fall of heliocentrism doesn’t show that every theory is going to be proved correct eventually. If it was you’d be dreading the next massive bill from your phlogiston supplier.
The conspiracy nutters
This isn’t their main one. It just comes bundled with the others. They’ll swiftly move on to the globalist agenda, chemtrails, 15-minute cities, FEMA camps, the Great Replacement and 5G nanovaccines from the World Economic Forum. If they were honest, climate change making the world uninhabitable really isn’t their thing.
‘So much for global warming!’ pub bores
Will mocking global warming during winter ever stop being hilarious? Not if you’re stupid. Sadly it’s not a throwaway gag; they genuinely believe a cold, wet week in November negates decades of climate science. That’s just common sense.
Anti-woke obsessives
Their definition of woke is so expansive – everything from avocados to plus-size ladies in Victoria’s Secret shows – that climate change was bound to come under their umbrella. First the woke want to get rid hot anime chicks in video games, now they want us to not boil the planet. Is there no limit to the evil of woke?
The typical mainstream right-wing prick
Ah, the creme de la creme of deniers, those ordinary conservatives happy to act as unpaid PR staff for BP parroting the message that fossil fuels are fine. Or if not fine China’s doing it anyway so we have to. Must save Shell a fortune posh girl PR executives called Sophie and Jocasta. And that’s the real win.
