STORM Lilian is bringing gales and heavy rain to areas that have underperformed in their GCSEs, meteorologists have confirmed.
Northern England is dealing with gusts of up to 75mph and as much as 30mm of rain as a direct result of 16-year-olds in the area failing exams and letting the nation down.
Weather reporter Lucy Parry said: “It’s rare to have a storm in August, but then they should have tried harder.
“Is this storm going to trouble London? The Cotswolds? Bristol? No. Did more than 69 per cent of pupils there achieve grades 4 and above? Yes. Draw your own conclusions.
“Claims that the bad weather so endemic to the North has adversely affected grades are nonsense. If anything the ceaseless drizzle should encourage them to stay in and revise rather than eating pies on cobbled streets.
“If teenagers in locations like Bolton and Hull had put the effort in they’d be out in the parks. Their peers in London, who got fantastic grades, are all playing a lovely game of frisbee right now. After which they’ll head home and begin preparing for A-levels.”
Jim Bates of Doncaster said: “Aye, we’ve let us selves down. Fair dos the ginnel’s flooded.”
