Stop warning us about snow in Britain when you mean Scotland, forecasters told

METEOROLOGISTS causing unnecessary panic by warning of snow in Britain when they mean Scotland and possibly Cumbria have been told to cut it out.

Last night’s yellow warning from the Met Office about snow and ice covered only Scotland’s already frozen north, and even tonight’s warning only covers insignificant locations like Leeds.

Joanna Kramer of Letchworth said: “All I’m saying is these weather people need to have a sense of proportion.

“So there could be snow high on the Pennines. Aberdeen might get a bit icy. Are we really considering that ‘Britain’?

“I’m not suggesting they only be allowed to get all dire with their warnings if it’s London. I have friends in Bristol, my ex went to university in York, I’m cosmopolitan. But I feel that snow in Inverness can’t really be considered ‘news’.

“Let’s agree that a blanket of the white stuff up there is pretty common even in summer, only worth reporting if it interrupts the Edinburgh Festival, and you’re clear to get excited when it gets past Loughborough. Fair?”

BBC Weather presenter Carol Kirkwood said: “Please. You don’t understand how f**king boring it is being a weather presenter in this country of grey rain, day after day. We seize any chance for thrills we can.”

Mullet official non-binary haircut

GEN Z has confirmed the mullet is the official hairstyle of anyone who wishes to announce they stand outside of the gender binary. 

Neither boyish and short nor long and feminine, the mullet represents the younger generation’s refusal to conform to traditional standards of gender or beauty and willingness to look like a truck driver from 1987.

Sophie Rodriguez, aged 20 with a nine-month-old mullet, said: “It’s inclusive. It’s neither one thing nor the other. It’s open to all who wish to be defined not by the sex they were born into but by their resemblance to Billy Ray Cyrus.

“We’re a generation that uses our style to show off our values – look at our shapeless, oversized T-shirts bearing ironic corporate logos as an example. Mullets promote pansexuality, as it’s impossible to tell the age or sex of whoever you’re chatting up.

“40-year-old lesbian? 19-year-old straight man? It’s a sexual bran tub where you don’t know who you’re going home with until you get their going-out Crocs and trackie bottoms off.

“And it’s asexual-friendly. Team a mullet with a bumbag and you’re cock-blocking the entire world.”

She added: “Mullets are massive on TikTok, the app tech experts have warned is being exploited by China to harm Western youth. Coincidence.”