DOGS around the UK are determined not to lose it this year when the banging starts.
Millions of pets are steeling themselves for an event that will massively overload every one of their highly-tuned senses.
Alsatian Tom Booker said: “There’s nothing like a combination of blinding lights, banging and the powerful stench of gunpowder to send ‘danger’ signals flashing through every neuron of my animal brain.
“This year though, I’m not getting under the table or running around the living room simultaneously barking and urinating.
“I’m mentally prepared, it’s very clear in my mind that this is all in the name of entertainment.”
He added: “As a dog, the concepts of history and parliament are impossible for me to fully grasp, but they are why this is happening.
“Also, in my mind I have formed the image of a calm, babbling brook in a sunny meadow, with birds singing and a light breeze. It’s a simple visualisation technique.
“I’m in a great – fuck. What the fuck was that? Okay, it’s just a car alarm. Fuck, shit. Okay, I’m fine.”
